"Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard his spots?" (Jeremiah 13:23)
In my reaching out to help heal others as well as in my own life, I discover a most influential source of wounding and blockage to recovery. I call it "incapacitating reliving of the past." By definition, the past cannot be changed. What was said and done was already said and done. It is history.
Many things and experiences in our lives fall into this category. Your parents or childhood, whether healthy or painful, are your parents or childhood. It's a settled matter that cannot be changed. Disappointments, failures, or traumas also stand as past or history. You cannot undo any of them.
Jesus once asked, "Which of you, by being anxious, can add a single cubit to his life span?" (Matthew 6:27)
It is therefore futile (a waste of time and energy) to reason or endlessly complain about what might have been. Words said cannot be retracted. Actions done can no longer be recalled. Of course, we can ask for grace and forgiveness for the mistakes or failures we committed. But even this does not erase the effects or consequences of sin or wrongdoing.
Therapy step # 1: Accept the unchangeable past.
Therapy step # 2: Focus on shaping a healthy future.
When Jesus called on His disciples and cared for people, He did not ask that they erase all their dark pasts. That would have been impossible. The Lord simply offered them the Bread of Life and the Living Water that would forever change their life onwards.