Monday, June 21, 2010

When You Suffer From A Cheating Spouse

It's an epidemic. Global statistics indicate millions of men and women getting wounded by a "cheating spouse." They populate communities, churches, psychotherapy clinics, hospitals, offices etc. Sadly, there's no or little competent help available around in so many places.

If you are suffering from the pain and wound of an unfaithful, cheating spouse, here are some important things to do and remember:

* Completely turn over to God your whole situation. Pray to and seek Him for strength, direction, provision, and wisdom.
* Get emotional and social support from understanding, accepting adults such as specialist support groups, friends, relatives, family members, church brethren etc.
* Contact a "whole-person" psychotherapist with psychological/spiritual perspectives and go through a regular weekly session/recovery program if you need one. A therapist can help facilitate your healing and progress and keep you on track.
* Identify your top 3 or 5 personal needs and get them met appropriately/morally outside the context of your unfaithful spouse.
* Dedicate to learning as much as you can about healing from affairs/infidelity.
* Do not make excuses, criticize, beg, or exhibit temper tantrums in relation to your unfaithful spouse.
* Make your "best efforts" to help your spouse recover from the affair and reconcile with him/her. Remain faithfully in the marriage.
* Live with the realization that the destructive behavior (choosing sin over obedience to God) of your cheating spouse may get worse - and there's nothing you can do to control it.
* If your cheating spouse badly deteriorates, learn how to set proper boundaries by not tolerating or accepting the behavior or avoiding situations and conversations that result in pain for you.
* Refuse to live in the past by forgiving and letting go. Determine to have fresh beginnings.
* Whether moving towards reconciliation or divorce, embark upon an intensive program of personal health and well being -- physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Set a time line and anticipated markers along the way.

"Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God" (1 Peter 4:1-2).

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

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