I think most of us have a tendency to "live in the past." This is true, especially after one goes through some severe trauma. Even in starting friendships, we have this common illusion that we're becoming close or intimate just by sharing past problems and feelings over and over again. A healing key is to press forward. That means, having "dreams for the future" and striving for them with or without the other person. Wouldn't this "dreams in the future" be a better way to build healthy relationships? God has a great future waiting for us. We can choose to start living it now.
"The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ - eternal and glorious plans they are! - will have you put together and on your feet for good" (1 Peter 5:10 Msg).