John and millions like him all over the world struggle. It's especially challenging and difficult for John because of cultural steriotypes and distortions. There is almost virtually no help available around when it is Dad who has the children.
Whether you're a wife or husband who suffers from the sin of your spouse, the steps or principles of recovery are the same. Here are some basic reminders:
* Relocate your self in the presence and will of God through prayer, His Word, and meditation. Remember that this too shall pass. Your responsibility is your response. Honor God in all your responses toward the sin/s of your spouse.
* Take custody of your health. That means, you observe adequate nutrition, sleep, exercise, and work/finances during the separation or divorce. You need this to physically, emotionally, and materially carry out necessary activities, to have the strength to deal with the suffering.
* Explore every avenue toward new friendships, such as getting involved with church or community activities. Hold on to family members, relatives, and friends whose support you value the most and who are willing to stand by. Decide which old relationships you want to preserve. Accept that some friends or relatives will drop you because they're uncomfortable with your situation. That's "their problem, not yours."
* Seek professional psychotherapy or counseling if you need to. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It's a statement that you want to be a strong and responsible person, get back to normal functioning and be in the best possible condition to help your children.
* Spend time with your children. Assure them of your love and care. Remind them that they are totally innocent of the terrible destruction that happened in the family as a result of the sin of their Mom or Dad. Keep the kids out of inter-parental anger and hostility as well as adult issues that would tear them apart. Let the children and teens remain children and teens.
* Choose not to go to war. Lawyers tend to intimidate and pit you against your spouse in a legal battle. Many unhappy, ungodly, bitter family situations are created by "attorney-coached" attitudes and affidavits. Lawyers are not psychologists or ministers. It's important to make choices based on your values and needs - "your way" and not the way of your lawyers.
* Work on forgiving your spouse (if possible, healing the marriage) with God's grace and strength. Do not seek revenge. Vengeance is the Lord's. Sins have inevitable consequences. Allow God to take care of it, not you.
John learned some deep lessons in a strange way. He became stronger since he had gone through this trauma of experiencing the sin/s of his wife. Why? He knows and is intimate with God. John realizes that God allowed this tragedy to enter his life for a purpose without necessarily wanting those things to happen. He sees that God can turn bad into good as he honors and follows Him.
"For all things work together for good to those who love God and who are called according to His purpose .." (Romans 8:28)