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Numerous psychological studies and clinical exposures indicate that people who are whole have healthy childhoods. If we received a good blend of real love and guidance from nurturing parents, we are bound to be whole and healthy ourselves. But what happens if your parents or your childhood were anything but healthy? How can you unlearn all the unhealthy things you picked up from your family? You need to be "re-parented." Find a "new family." Discover people and sources where you can experience the kind of unconditional love you needed when you were a child. Realistically, these "good sources" are hard to come by nowadays. I try to be a good source myself as a psychotherapist. Some relatives or friends can try to do the same for you. The church is another one, possibly a best way to look. I have personally discovered that the best source of unconditional, overflowing love is God (Romans 5:5). Human love wears out. Only God's love completely heals. When you finally find it along the road, it is worth everything you have.