Is it in you? With all the pain and struggles you endured over the years, you would have figured out by now. But you have not. Because you cannot. A wounded mind and heart that led you to sickness will not lead you to a place of health. You will have to reach beyond and seek help. The greatest act of courage and strength is to admit you don't have the answer and to turn for help. Get support before the wound further infects and spreads out. Treat deeply, not superficially, what needs treatment - not thinking it will eventually go away. YOU are worth it.