Sunday, September 25, 2011
Blocks To Therapy (Part 2)
"I'm entitled to feel good."
"It really isn't that bad because my wife won't know anyway."
"Anyone in my situation would do the same thing I did."
"I'm not to be blamed because I am an addict."
"He neglected me, so he's responsible for what I did."
If you say these things to yourself long enough, you build a castle of selfishness - a "me-first" mentality.
Whatever you do will be rationalized in a way that makes it look fine or acceptable, given any circumstances. You believe you deserve more than you have, always wanting more. You can be self-obsessed, a taker, greedily using people to get away with things as much as you can. And then you emotionally move on, immediately disconnecting.
In psychotherapy and counseling, "selfish entitlement" blocks recovery and healing. With selfish, arrogant entitlement, one never gets to the next level of being able to understand another's point of view or be concerned for the needs of others. He does not turn from vice, evil, or harmful habits because he thinks he can manage it. He holds himself superior to others (even including the therapist) as he stoops to take what he feels entitled to. Everything is self-focused.
Genuine humility and willingness to grasp true reality will fix selfish entitlement. Now that can be hard work, especially if you're used to being selfish and arrogant! But it can be done through practice. And it starts the moment you feel the need to step up, step back, and remove options in your life that lead to destruction and more pain.