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The first thing I noticed about Tom was his large frame and piercing eyes. He had come to call me on my mobile phone a few hours ago. And now, we were in a hotel, drinking coffee, and eventually past the pleasantries.
He reached for the marrow of his purpose for meeting me. “I need help for managing my wife,” he said. “She cannot agree any longer that she remain my wife while I keep the other woman for the sake of the children and peace at home.” He fell silent for awhile. “Why can’t she accept that?” he asked.
Tom was having an affair with a married woman. His troubled, obsessed mind flashed across his face. The whole duration of our conversation, he kept justifying the correctness of his requested arrangement with his wife. By declaring his superiority and “rightness,” he reinforces his abuse and maintains his denial and defenses.
Such is a personal tragedy. Unless Tom is willing to look into himself, he will not see his sickness or disorder. Unless he actively seeks personal change, through the hard work of recovery and therapy, he will, to a large degree have lived a “nonlife.” By this, he continues to poison himself, his wife and family, as well as others.
It’s Tom’s choice. He is the expert on his own experience!