Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Infidelity Treatment: First Step

When I saw Tonton, a British doing business in the Philippines, he was severely hurt and depressed. He was in much tears. He had caught his wife cheating again over the internet and seeing the OP (other person). Along the way, he had somehow able to acknowledge to himself that his wife remained unrepentant of her adultery and would not give up her "lover" to heal their marriage.

We do all have much in common, regardless of nationality, skin color, or status in life.  Our humanity. Same need, same longings, same wounds. In our session, Tonton wondered, "What now?  Should I stay or leave the marriage?" Predictable, expected  concerns. Tonton was confused. He was in a state of shock. It's not a surprise that he'd have intense feelings. They are normal. When he thought of a future without the one he loved so much, it didn't seem worth living to him.

The first step in Tonton's PERSONAL HEALING is SELF-CARE. He needs to stay alive! And at an early stage of the trauma, he would have to take emergency or immediate steps. He faces the challenge of starting and completing his personal grieving and therapy process. The process includes steps or stages as follows: shock, denial, bargaining, depression, anger, forgiveness, acceptance, hope, and joy. Of course, Tonton doesn't have to worry about the concluding steps of the whole process. He just needs to concentrate on where he is today.

The first step in Tonton's MARITAL HEALING is REPENTANCE on the part of his infidel wife. As he does his own part to get his healing, Tonton can only do so much and hope for the best response from his wife to choose to heal their marriage. Marital healing is two-way. It takes two to dance. In cases of infidelity, a foundational step is total abstinence from the OP, the "addictive agent," before the unresolved issues and pains of the marriage can be properly processed. Otherwise, the chances of marital healing is virtually non-existent or so slim to say the least with the ongoing influence of "poison" (OP) striking at the very core of the marriage.


No comments: