Friday, October 03, 2014
Why Communication Can Make Things Worse
That's true to a lot of us, humans. Friends. Couples. Parents and children. Workmates. Team mates. Business associates. Politicians. Partners. Enemies.
I often hear this, "This is hopeless. We've talked about this a million times. I thought I was understood, only to find out I was not understood at all. All of our talking isn't making any difference."
Why does this happen? In many ways, talking actually makes problems worse due to fantasies of change or false expectations. There's not enough healthy individual preparation, so the discussions can be open, aware, and caring. Because the deeper "unconscious issues" between individuals in communication remain unprocessed or unhealed, they are repeatedly disillusioned and frustrated.
In polarized relationships, ultimately it's going to be futile (even damaging) to talk about problems and share feelings. Until the "invisible" overdefensive process of individuals involved is addressed first- the unknowing ways in which they are polarized - talking about any problem is hopeless or counterproductive.