Friday, March 27, 2015

What It Takes To Survive Infidelity

One of my greatest accomplishments in my practice as a psychotherapist is seeing individuals and/or couples survive marital infidelity. Using an insight-oriented approach, I've emphasized the importance of the power to choose how to think, feel, and act. I've taught concepts and skills in my sessions to help change thoughts that will determine how one reacts emotionally.

To give you a broad stroke of some ideas I bring up during sessions to help individuals heal from marital infidelity, let me share below a number of points, beliefs, and skills about what it takes to be a survivor. What I discover is that men and women who apply these ideas do survive, just as my clients have. Although infidelity can be very traumatic, there are indeed ways and means to transcend the wounding experience and come out strong. Here's a list of some of these ways and means:

*  You believe in your resourcefulness whatever comes your way.
*  You believe in Someone greater than your self.
*  You develop ability to increase your resilience to withstand painful feelings.
*  You formulate a master plan.
*  You recognize the power of your thoughts for personal and marital recovery.
*  You learn the ability to view events in a time frame.
*  You see the complexity of experiences and human beings.
*  You choose to let go of anger, bitterness, or resentment.
*  You ask for help and support.
*  You find meaning and purpose in your pain.

Noted family therapist and author, Virginia Satir, once wrote in her book "PeopleMaking": 

"I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me and I am ok."

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