Monday, January 11, 2016

Carlos and Mary

Carlos complains that his wife Mary is always tired of sex.

Mary says her husband never takes the time to get close, kissing and holding her, but always rushing to culmination of sex act.

After deeper process, Carlos and Mary discover it's not about their sex. Their root problem involves issues of intimacy.

Carlos longs for affirmation. After a long day at work, he comes home desiring to be valued, appreciated, and made to feel worthy. Sexual activity is the only way he knows and gets conditioned to to receive what he wants. His wife has no idea, so it never occurs to her to validate and praise him for his value.

Mary is also seeking affirmation. Alone at home with the children, she wants her husband to see her as valuable and desirable as she is. Not merely as a housekeeper, a child caregiver, or sexual partner.  She wants to hear her husband loving to spend time with her, thinking she is beautiful, and enjoying being near her. She seeks intimacy and love.

Carlos and Mary are healing - individually and maritally. They now realize that sexual intercourse is not a substitute for intimacy. When the two of them learn to express value to each other in ways apart from the sex act, their entire marriage begins to blossom. They're addressing their root need inherent in a marriage -- not merely the surface issue of too little or too much sexual activity.


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