Tuesday, June 20, 2017

When Children Misbehave

What I've known is, all children misbehave no matter what their family situation is. I surmise it's a natural built in to the predictable pattern of development of children their age. Yet it's still vital for parents to determine if the misbehavior is just normal for the child or related to parental deficits.

A therapist/counselor can be helpful in assisting and clarifying what parents cannot see. I recall spending hours of session with a single Mom whose 14-year-old daughter has dropped out of high school and often been running away from home. The question that arose was, "Is this daughter acting in that way because she never knew her father, or it's because she's a teenager?"

Some times, answers are not black or white. "This misbehavior is all about the parents' divorce" or "This behavior is all about teenage behavior." Some times, I'm saying, it can't be accurately distinguished. In this case of the Mom and her 14-year-old daughter, the misbehavior most likely reflects both typical teenage feelings and some stuff resulting from her father's abandonment and other relevant factors.


I know. It isn't comfortable to have answers like that. But it's the likely truth.

When children misbehave, a best answer is for parents to give their child loving "consistency." Is the child getting wild, crazy, or out of control? If you think you're being loving by letting your misbehaving child get away with anything, you've got it wrong. Your child may look thankful for allowing him or her to misbehave. But sooner deep inside, he or she'll find out that you don't care enough to take him or her to the right path.

My fellow parent, it's a tough tightrope to walk, isn't it?

If you're a Mom or Dad who have emotional wounds or dysfunction your self, you need to give attention to your healing while being actively involved in your children's lives as well. So, one best gift you can give to your misbehaving child is to be a healthy parent! That requires primary care if you're to realistically hope to influence your child for the better.

No comments: