If you are and you want to heal yourself and your marriage/relationship, here's a sneak preview of some therapy steps generally prescribed by clinicians and therapists:
* Abstinence 100% from all contacts and communications with the OP (other person) or adultery partner;
* Take responsibility for your behaviors and misbehaviors;
* Show sincere evidences of remorse and repentance, relationally and spiritually;
* Realize that there is never an excuse for adultery;
* Be sensitive and patient when your spouse/partners suffers from triggers out of the infidelity wound;
* Check your anger and resentment at the door;
* Acknowledge the depth of the pain and wounding that your affair brought to the marriage and family;
* Admit mistake committed and avoid all excuses and rationalizations to deflect attention to the adultery;
* Stop blaming your spouse/partner for your affair;
* Repent of and stop recruiting the children to be "partners in crime" in the adultery;
* Be truthful from here on - no secrets any more;
* Get your personal healing of emotional wounds with a professional therapist;
* Get marital healing with your spouse/partner only through increased structure of professional psychotherapy and counseling sessions, especially in the beginning stages;
* Stop being defensive;
* Be trustworthy;
* Renew your mind and stop thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else;
* Figure out the "roots" of your unfaithfulness to your spouse/partner;
* Check what your spouse/partner needs on a regular basis;
* Expand your circle of support - safe friends, therapist, community etc.;
* Educate your self about affairs and infidelity treatment;
* Listen - really listen;
* Seek help from God as your best source of strength, healing, and life recovery.
For those who persist in adultery or cheating, the costs are so high -- psychologically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Marriage and children are casualties. Mental illness or addictions can develop.
The Bible says that God may choose to discipline them or take them away from earthly life. Indeed, cheaters can choose what they want to do but they cannot choose their consequences.
Adultery or cheating is not an unforgivable crime or sin. It can be healed. With the right heart and actions, one can be whole again - and even the best person one can be in this life and beyond.