Friday, January 05, 2018
Struggle is Good
When you don't have to struggle, you don't heal and grow up. It's the "soul" of maturity and adulthood.
Many times in therapy, individuals demand quick fixes amid the high drama of their lives. They avoid the pain of struggle. Those who become successful in this only prolongs their misery.
Rowena is spoiled, smothered, and coddled as a child. Her Mom does every basic chore for her, removing all comfort roadblocks from her path.
Now at 30, Rowena refuses to leave home. Her Mom likes doing things for her. Since home is an only place where she "runs the show," she failed to learn the value of struggle.
Rowena is unable to leave home. She wants to continue studying in a university and receive allowances from Mom. She doesn't want a job. She can't.
In my own sessions with Rowena, she said that life feels cruel and depressing to her. She felt trapped in a fantasy world and emotional prison she could not understand.
Joining Rowena in therapy is her Mom. Over time, she realized the part she played, allowing Rowena to bargain, manipulate her, and pretty much run the show.
Mom just kept playing the game of "no struggle" for her child all these years. But now, she's healing her self. She begins to address her own childhood shortage rather than continue projecting it to Rowena.
I'm reminded of one psychologist who said, "Struggle is easier when you're not unconsciously controlled by the ghosts of your own past."
Struggle is good. Without optimal doses of it, there is no growth and life. No reason to exist. No sense of accomplishment.
Instead of running away from it, you embrace it. Through struggle, you grow up to be healthy and balanced.