Marrriage Doesn't Mean Happiness
Is marriage a solution to your personal unhappiness?
Fely, at 30, thought so. Even while depressive and suicidal for years, she met Robert, a foreigner she found in an online dating site. The guy traveled to and fro in order to see and court her.
Each new visit, Robert would treat Fely to dinners out, roses, and surprise gifts. He became Fely's generous lover and "caretaker."
Eventually, despite her unprocessed depressive spirals and suicidal thoughts, Fely agreed to marry Robert. She said she felt "happy" when with him and marriage would make them be together permanently.
Only a few weeks after marriage, Fely was found half-naked on a drug overdose inside the bedroom. She also got drunk.
Coming from work, Robert felt devastated witnessing what was happening to his new wife. He thought she had already found "happiness" when they got married.
I agree with marital therapists/authors, Sally and Jim Conway. They wrote in their book "When A Mate Wants Out:"
"An unhappy person before marriage is likely to be an unhappy person after marriage. Marriage may provide a temporary change in happiness because of the novelty of the situation, but eventually each mate will settle back into the level of happiness experienced as a single adult."
Marriage is life.
A mixture of good and bad. If a partner believes marriage is just good or like in courtship, he or she is going to be disappointed. Possibly, blaming or whiny too.
So, if you're unhappy or in a disease state now as a single adult, ultimately it may mean there is double the unhappiness or disease when and after you get married.
It's all the more "doubles" when two unhappy persons are put together in a marriage!
Something to think about. Seriously.
Fely, at 30, thought so. Even while depressive and suicidal for years, she met Robert, a foreigner she found in an online dating site. The guy traveled to and fro in order to see and court her.
Each new visit, Robert would treat Fely to dinners out, roses, and surprise gifts. He became Fely's generous lover and "caretaker."
Eventually, despite her unprocessed depressive spirals and suicidal thoughts, Fely agreed to marry Robert. She said she felt "happy" when with him and marriage would make them be together permanently.
Only a few weeks after marriage, Fely was found half-naked on a drug overdose inside the bedroom. She also got drunk.
Coming from work, Robert felt devastated witnessing what was happening to his new wife. He thought she had already found "happiness" when they got married.
I agree with marital therapists/authors, Sally and Jim Conway. They wrote in their book "When A Mate Wants Out:"
"An unhappy person before marriage is likely to be an unhappy person after marriage. Marriage may provide a temporary change in happiness because of the novelty of the situation, but eventually each mate will settle back into the level of happiness experienced as a single adult."
Marriage is life.
A mixture of good and bad. If a partner believes marriage is just good or like in courtship, he or she is going to be disappointed. Possibly, blaming or whiny too.
So, if you're unhappy or in a disease state now as a single adult, ultimately it may mean there is double the unhappiness or disease when and after you get married.
It's all the more "doubles" when two unhappy persons are put together in a marriage!
Something to think about. Seriously.
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