T-person, N-person: Which one are you?
The T-person is "toxic." While the N-person is "nourishing."
The T-person is characteristically phony, manipulative, and deceptive. Often, he is rigidly judgmental or moralistic - denying reality, fact-twisting, and hiding information.
The T-person poisons relationships by using others to meet needs that are his own responsibility. He often looks to others to give him relief, growth, and identity.
The N-person, on the other hand, is emotionally and psychologically attractive. He is more self-accepting, open, and authentic.
The N-person is more accepting of others even when they disagree or make mistakes. He avoids being judgmental or critical. He is more self-reliant and trusting of others.
Typically, those emotionally wounded are either T-persons psychologically poisoning themselves or N-persons who got poisoned or victimized by others.
I think each of us can be a mixture of T and N. For none of us is perfect. It's simply a matter of degree of predominance.
Bradley was lonely. He's more a "reactor."
He avoided the pain of his loneliness by surrounding himself with people and volunteering in activities initiated by others.
He seemed busy and active. But he continued to have increasing feelings of anger that hurt others.
Even though he knew he committed a wrongdoing, he found himself acting like the victim when confronted with his verbal abuse.
That mystified him.
Through increasing self awareness of our T patterns, we can start learning to avoid or minimize poison in our life experiences.
Those we inflict upon ourselves and others. And those we allow others to inflict upon us.
Then along the way experiment in our search for new thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, which are more N or nourishing to our overall well-being.