Wednesday, July 18, 2018

When Someone Remembers You Only to Make "Use" of You

Long time ago, a former close friend sent me a text message that he's borrowing money from me.

We had not spoken for three years.

Something gave me a pause. It felt like a cryptic messsage from a former friend.

I remembered all too clearly the last time I called him three years prior. I had been in one of the worst moments in my life.

I had asked him to see me and help in some way with his company. With vague, flat, and subtly defensive voice, he said he'll call back.

He never did. He actually vanished at a time of deep need.

Then, I started seeing his text message for what it was. Full of presumption.

There was neither apology or empathy over what transpired from his 3 years late.

Slowly, it dawned on me.

Here was a self-absorbed person who suddenly thought of me only to make use of me.

The fallout from such desertion or betrayal by a friend can happen in other relationships, such as lovers, spouses, children, relatives, business partners etc.

When you value someone and you discover that the person is just "using" you, there is haunting damage in the relationship.

Hopefully, the unloving actions can be repaired. But if not, I find no illusions about rekindling the relationship.

The pain, anger, and sorrow may not completely dissipate.

But another emotion can join it - the resolve to turn the pain into purpose.

Appreciation.

As you appreciate, you profit from the experience.

Integrate, not disintegrate. Both light and darkness.

And so in the process, emerge a better, stronger "whole" person.