Tuesday, August 14, 2018

What You Allow Is What Will Continue

"What you allow is what will continue." One of my favorite quotes. 

It implies permitting something to exist. To continue to happen. Whether positive or negative, healthy or non-healthy.

In therapy process, I call it "tolerating." The negative, the non-healthy.

Usually, individuals, couples, or families "tolerate too much" of it, which lead them to "suffer too much."

With it, a lot of the pain or misfortune we go through are actually caused by ourselves, not by circumstances or people.

I had a young patient who had a traumatizing, unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend. 

He'd smack her in the face, verbally and sexually abuse her. Such mistreatment pushed her to deep depression and suicidal attempts.

It went on for years. By now, this abnormal reality had become normal to my young patient.

Truly, if she had allowed him to treat her like a doormat, this jerk will continue to trample on her. And eventually destroy her life.


As psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud put it, you'd always get a combination of two things: "what you create and what you allow."

Rid yourself of negative, unhealthy, life-damaging "tolerating." Within you, your self. In your relationships. In your environment.

A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.

Take a firm stand. Put healthy boundaries. Care about what you create. Respect yourself.

What you allow is what will continue.