Thursday, September 06, 2018

Are You Overcontrolling?

Said Nick, in one of our sessions,

"I'm 40. But I can't understand why my mother would still exert a big influence on me and my choices. She's always dictating on my thoughts, finances, speech, and morals.  I can't help feeling her power despite my resisting it."

A case of experiencing unhealthy overcontrol and its consequences.

Different types. There are overcontrolling parents, overcontrolling husbands or wives, overcontrolling friends, overcontrolling bosses, and so on.

Overcontrol takes a variety of forms.

A common form of overcontrol is authoritarianism. It's geared to make people serve, please, or protect the controller.

One's self expression and optimal growth are blocked in the interest of the one controlling.

Are you overcontrolling? Or, how do you know someone is overcontrolling?

An overcontroller can be described as one or more of the following:

•  Dictatorial
•  Harsh
•  Manipulative
•  Overbearing
•  Smothering
•  Pushy
•  Bullying
•  Doublespeak
•  Irritable
•  Belittling
•  Inconsistent
•  Deceptive
•  Confusing
•  Tense
•  Unyielding
•  Stifling
•  Depriving
•  Aloof

Many adults suffer psychopathology or emotional problems because of it.

Psychoanalyst and author, Alice Miller, has written about healing from a painful, overcontrolled childhood.

She said that it involves allowing your self to experience all the feelings and opinions that arose from years of abuse and overcontrol.

In effect, Miller explained, its "speaking out" after so many years of not being able to.