Thursday, October 04, 2018

Bobby’s Story

It’s a habitual pattern Bobby is locked into. He flirts with and courts women. He pays extraordinary effort, attention, and romance to win them.

Each time, after a woman has given in to commit to him, he changes. He starts to withdraw. In fact, he’s used to instantly disappear once a woman gets too close.

It has happened at least 8 times already. The same old ritual, the same familiar results. Bobby is leaving a trail of broken-hearted women.

The question revolves around understanding what’s happening to Bobby. Where can his “inadequacy to loving” be traceable? And can women truly have a relationship with him?

Bobby is a man who can’t love. He’s afraid of it. Or, to use a special term, “commitmentphobic.”


David Allen, MD explains and writes in his Psychology Today blog:

“Some commitment phobes may not truly be afraid of commitment per se. People who appear to fit this bill may in some cases be playing a dysfunctional family role originally dubbed the go-between by psychiatrist Dr. Sam Slipp.”

Women then who date or get involved with men who can’t love naturally put themselves in peril.
A woman may be invested in the relationship but he’s just there for the sex.

Delusion kicks in. Self esteem is hit. Time is wasted, lost. That’s what happens with unhealed men who can’t love.

Bobby needs to be serious about healing and change. His secret fears are masked by his commitmentphobic relationships with women.

He can also truly love if he chooses to. But he has to heal first. Then, learn anew what real love is.