Tuesday, November 20, 2018

When There is Need to Confront










Confrontation is scary. For most people, it is. They ordinarily equate it with screaming, violence, or power trips.

Yet it’s not about war. It’s about expressions of caring and clarity. That’s why I call it “carefrontation.”

“But I’m worried he’ll get too upset if I confront him,” said Ruth whose husband had been compulsively lying to her about finances and women in the office.

But as she learned to face her fears and feelings in therapy, instead of avoiding or holding them in, she got stronger. She found her calm center.

That’s when she became ready for the next step - carefrontation and clarity. She spoke to her husband when they’re both undistracted and open.

Ruth told her husband 3 things:  what truths she discovered, how it has made her feel, and what she wants from him now. That basic outline kept her stay focused.


Once she chose what she wanted, what she will and won’t accept, and what her conditions are for continuing the relationship, she fully expressed them to her husband.

Expression through carefrontation is an important part of healing and wholeness. Not just individually in our self, but in our relationships as well.