Dealing with “Unsafe People”
They’re everywhere. At home, school, work offices, government, neighborhoods, among others.
Even those closest to you like loved ones in the family or relatives can be “unsafe.”
When Christina discovered her husband’s sexual infidelity with their teenage maid, she tried calmly to confront him.
Instead of admitting, her husband raged and got defensive. He did everything to put her at fault, mentioning her absences or lack of responsiveness.
Incurring further insults upon Christina, her husband saw to it that he makes her the problem.
“Gaslighting” is a psychological term we can use to describe it.
This is one example of an “unsafe person,” who happens to inhabit an intimate bond called marriage.
Christian psychologists, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, in their book “Safe People” further gives us a list of traits to spot an “unsafe person.”
Some of them include: lying and deceiving; self-righteous; demanding trust instead of earning it; overreactive and defensive; blaming and avoiding real issues; apologizing without changing their behavior; dishonest about their weaknesses.
How then do you make decisions on “unsafe people” in your life?
Change starts with you. You equip and empower your self to stop enabling the “unsafe person” to continue in his sabotaging ways.
You can’t expect the “unsafe person” to change the way he treats you if there’s no tangible “consequences” and fruit for it to happen.
Do the IFTTT to set “consequences.” An acronym that stands for “If This, Then That.”
It defines the behavior of the other person and explains what you’re going to do about it if it continues.
When you embrace your capacity to change and be firm, employ boundaries and consequences, and build your support systems, does the “unsafe person” have a choice?