Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Doing Vs. Being

“I’d rather do my business with lots of money than remain in my marriage where I’m unhappy,” said Tony in one of our marital therapy sessions.

Without wanting to sound judgmental, as I worked more with Tony, I thought he was centered on the wrong things in his life. 

He’s too heavily focused on “doing” more than “being.” He’s sort of feeling so lost on grasping what truly matters to him, deep within.

“Doing” is usually connected with work, accomplishments,  how you make a living. “Being” is much deeper. It relates to character, who you really are, and how you “make a life.”


It’s possible to do, accumulate, or achieve a lot of things yet be out of balance as a person.

Right now, with the present Covid-19 pandemic, he’s forcibly home - a gift of precious time with his wife and kids. 

His business was closed. In self quarantine - where he’s given the extended opportunity of silence and reflection on his “being.”

He texted me, “Doc, I believe it’s time to go back to my therapy. Kind of feeling desperate. I need it much more now.”

The pandemic quarantine forces Tony to finally face up to the problem of his “being,” which he has been escaping from for so long.

The threat of possible illness or death on us levels all human activities to the bare or basic stuff of our common humanity. 

Of the two, “being” ultimately outdistances “doing” at any time. It’s far more valuable. And enduring. And essential. Something on display forever, your true legacy.

Take a look at your own life. Is it “doing” more than “being?” If so, seek to balance your “doing” to allow more time to develop the “being” part of you.

www.drsubida.com