Where Identity Is

Identity is essential. It’s so crucial to guiding our choices in our lives.

Let me begin with a question ...

“Have I wrapped my self completely with one source of identity?”

Or, in another way ...

“If that one source is taken away from me, would I survive?”

After attempting suicide by hanging in her apartment, Toni realized how she had wrapped her self around her boyfriend.

She ignored or neglected all other aspects of her life - personal and professional - in order to devote her self  and focus only on him.

Toni said that’s how love is supposed to be. Isn’t it?

This is tricky. That’s because there is a polar opposite: neglecting a loved one.

She had not invested enough in friendships or family or hobbies or even work - because she had been so invested and focused on one source - her boyfriend.

So when they broke up, she felt she was left with nothing in her life.

It’s like a father of 7 kids who lost his job after being laid off at the height of the Covid lockdown.

Or, it’s like a doting mother who gave her entire life to her children only to realize they’re about to move out and start their own families.

The lost employment or income, the mother’s empty nest, can be devastating when there’s no other source of identity ... no life beyond that one source.

The solution? Spread out your identity links.

In my case, I am more than what I do for work or money. I am a husband. I am a father. I am a writer. I am a chess player. I am a lover of books. 

Most importantly, my ultimate identity is in Christ.

Therefore if I suffer loss of any of my identity links (except Christ), I will grieve. 

But I can have enough balance and equilibrium to move forward, because I have spread out my identity links.