Bearing and Planning for Hardships

In response to the trauma of Covid, Nida projects the causes onto the government. She fumes each day. 

In a several instances, she’d throw things at her children. She contributes to the pain and confusion of her young children as a result of the pandemic.

Author George Vaillant, in “Adaptation to Life,” claims that the way we respond to life’s calamities are conditioned in childhood.

Parents help. The children depend on them on how to learn to face hardships.

Valliant  said that parents who “stay with their children when they are upset” help them “learn the capacity to bear and plan for pain.”

When this is nonexistent in a person’s upbringing, it can leave him as an adult with dysfunctional, immature defenses.

He denies problems. He resorts to blame shifting. He distorts his role in the situation. 

Or, as in the case of Nida, he projects on to others instead of taking personal responsibility.

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In this time of the tragic hardships caused by the Coronavirus pandemic, each one of us is called to “mature, healthy defenses.”

We may not have been helped by our parents in this area. But they’re not irrevocable. They’re not linear.

We can choose to be wiser. Stronger. More resourceful. Different. Not waste years through addictions and other detours.

It’s a choice to take personal responsibility, no matter the circumstances. A choice to shape what’s outside of us by what’s inside us.