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I thought I knew Nhorie, my wife. And I thought I knew me.
We do have many of those normal adjustment issues or struggles that couples are supposed to deal with.
Last night, we were looking back. About our pasts that somehow affected us growing up and in relating as adults.
Distracted and focused on other things, I became unaware of the riptide of the currents of my childhood and adult past ... still surfacing at least only occasionally now.
Result? I hurt her. Out of my wound. I hurt because I hurt her.
As I asked for her forgiveness and saw my past wounds in a deeper, realistic light, my behavior made more sense.
Just as I had compassion towards Nhorie when she talked about her past and sensitivity, I realized I had to show compassion to my self as well.
A part of me struggled to allow my self to need her.
Interestingly, the more she embraced me as I am, the more my trust grew and the closer to her I felt.
The compassion melts away the struggles ... seeing my wife and my self and our marriage in a growing, much better new light.
One of the best benefits of talking about our history in our marriage is the compassion it gives us for each other.
Also significantly, it helps us understand our selves better. More deeply.
“The dew of compassion is a tear.” (Lord Byron)